I love these. I went to visit my friend Michelle Huesgen to teach our Soul Sistas Workshop together and spent a few extra days in the St. Louis heat wave that rolled through (I forgot how humidity can be! My darn hair wouldn’t stop curling up.) … went to this farm for some pictures of her kiddos. Here is her boy … doesn’t he make you melt? Images shot at f1.8. Plans on going back soon and of course bringing the fam so she can photograph my boy. Images of her girl soon!
Note: I wrote this on my old blog in 2006 and thought it was worth sharing again.
Balance is the key, I suppose. I hope.
Sometimes I worry in photographing my son … Do I push too much, go too far ..when he’d much rather I be “Mommy” rather than “Mommy with the camera”?
Why can I not wear both roles so well? Because children demand something out of you that longs to be undivided. At times, thankfully not every time, there is a division there; a vast valley of loyalty as I hold my camera and gaze at him through my viewfinder. Sometimes he longs to be seen not through my lens, but simply by my eyes.
I ask myself … What does a photographer’s child think as they leaf through the heaps of images collected of them through the years? “Look at all these images, my mom must have loved me.” or “Look at all these images, my mom must have loved photography.”
I never want the importance of him … HIS moments, HIS childhood to be paled in the shadow of MY learning, and MY validation. The rememberance of him lost in the confusion of shutter speeds and f-stops. Never. Doing so would taint my love for photography …so, balance is the key. I do not feel alone …there are millions of other mothers who so desperately seek to find balance between their children and their careers. It is not easy, but completely and utterly worth it.
I want my son to know he was loved, deeply and truly. I want him to know, I always saw him … whether blanketed in grain, in the cool of contrast or with the richness of color …I always saw Him.
I love being the mother of a boy. Aside from the obvious …boys are really different than girls. They are loud and always seem to have dirt under their nails (and everywhere else) and have boundless amounts of energy. The image below of Isaiah was inspired by a quote from John Eldredge. John is a popular author of books on manhood and what it means to be a man. Couldn’t recommend it enough. Here is the quote:
“…in the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.”
I see the evidence and truth of this quote in the heart of my son as well as in the heart of my fiance, Gary. Although there are times when Isaiah is told to please “shhhh” and “settle down” and to “please stop throwing rocks in the parking lot” … sigh … I never want to lose or repress all that which makes his heart all-boy. Same with Gary, I love him most when he’s being all-man which frees me to be the woman God has created me to be. Men do not need to be tamed, but need an adventure. That is when they truly come alive. Our world need more men who are living life fully alive.
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”